alone

23 Reasons I’m the Queen of the Introverts

After reading this article on Huffington Post—”23 Signs You’re Secretly an Introvert”—I almost wanted to contact the author to find out HOW & WHEN SHE GOT INTO MY HEAD, because about 98% of what was in this article was talking about me.

So, in true narcissistic blogger fashion (and in the hopes you’ll get a better sense of why I am the way I am), I’m going to take each item from that article and relate it to myself. Ha! Enjoy your trip down the rabbit-hole.

1. “You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.”

No truer words have ever been spoken about me. It’s such a chore for me to push my way through a “how’s the weather” / “how’s your husband” / “how’s work” conversation. It’s not that I don’t care about those things, it’s just that I know people will be giving me their watered-down half-truths and it won’t be genuine and then it will be a waste of my time, and that will REALLY piss me off.

2. “You go to parties -– but not to meet people.”

I enjoy going out to a social event every now and then. Primarily because I like to get dressed up and look all va-va-voom… I mean, what girl doesn’t? But most of the time those parties are spent hanging out with the people I already know, hence I rarely meet new people when I go out. I wish I could be one of those people who goes to a party/club/bar and just starts talking to the person sitting next to me. Dare to dream.

3. “You often feel alone in a crowd.”

I’m probably one of the few people you’ll meet who can find a way to be alone in a room full of 100 people. I’ve done it many times, and I’m sure I’ll do it again. Usually 15-20 minutes after I get settled, someone discovers me and says something like “What are you doing over here by yourself?” and I just want to punch them in the face and make them disappear.

4. “Networking makes you feel like a phony.”

I know for a fact, the reason I am where I am career-wise (or rather, the reason I’m not where I want to be), is because I cannot STAND networking. It’s not laziness. It’s not a lack of drive to move forward in my career. It’s just that I can’t get with the idea of pretending to be something I’m not, or pretending to like someone I don’t. Networking is such a performance. I love a good show, but that’s something I’ll never be good at.

5. “You’ve been called ‘too intense.'”

Only in lovemaking. *snicker* No, seriously…for the most part, this one doesn’t really apply to me. Yes I can be intense, but that side of me is buried deep within the many layers of goodness that is my personality.

6. “You’re easily distracted.”

I’ve had at least 4 other blog post ideas distract me since I started writing this one. And I’ve stopped to Google things 3 times.

7. “Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.”

If I didn’t have downtime I’d be such a b*tch. Definitely need that time to recharge my batteries, collect my thoughts, and get my mind prepared for the next major social chore ahead of me (usually that means going to work the next day).

8. “Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.”

I’ve never given a talk in front of more than 30 or so people. And yes, whenever I do it, my main goal afterwards is to quickly disappear before I have to face anyone telling me what a great job I did, or commenting on how “shy” I was at first but how I really “warmed up” towards the end. It’s over, I don’t care, please keep your opinions to yourself.

9. “When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -– not in the middle.”

Not just the subway. Airplanes—I choose a window seat. Public bathrooms—I pick the stall on the end. Buses—always go for the far back corner, if I can swing it. Restaurants—give me a table in a corner with 2 walls cocooning me into a nice little nook of security. I cannot stand being surrounded by people on all sides.

10. “You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.”

By active, I think this means socially active.  If I go to a semiformal banquet or fundraiser or brunch or holiday party or basically any kind of exhausting event where I have to be “on” and wear full makeup and heels for an extended period of time, for the next 24 to 48 hours I’m in my PJ’s under a blanket watching Doctor Who or The Office on Netflix. That’s how real this one is for me.

11. “You’re in a relationship with an extrovert.”

What relationship? Oh, the one with my dog? Yeah… I guess that’s true. Barney approaches people with much more enthusiasm than I do. 😉

12. “You’d rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything.”

I tend to disagree here, because one of the few Gemini traits I do have, is my passionate interests in many things that quickly fizzle out over time.

13. “You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.”

Comedy shows are the absolute worst for this, and one of the main reasons I avoid them like the plague.  Unless I’ve watched their standup on TV and know that’s not part of their act.

14. “You screen all your calls — even from friends.”

The number of times I’ve pissed people off for not answering when they call… it’s incalculable at this point. And probably the main reason none of my friends call me anymore. It’s either email, social media, or face-to-face.

15. “You notice details that others don’t.”

And get physically ill at some of the things I tend to notice. Let’s talk about how my world was forever shattered around the age of 12, the first time I noticed Shemar Moore’s bottom teeth (I was a huge Guiding Light junkie at the time—I won’t post pictures but feel free to Google it if you’re curious). When I shared this observation with my friend, she hated me because I’d partially ruined him for her, too.

16. “You have a constantly running inner monologue.”

How else do you explain the fact that it takes me 1-2 hours to fall asleep when my head hits the pillow at night? The thoughts never, ever stop.

17. “You have low blood pressure.”

Not so much. I’m black, and a woman, and have a family history of hypertension and heart disease.

18. “You’ve been called an “old soul” -– since your 20s.”

Not really an old soul. Maybe an old lady. You know, the kind who would rather stay home on a Saturday night reading, than be out at some crappy Orlando lounge trying to act like I’m interested in anything or anyone there.

19. “You don’t feel “high” from your surroundings”

Uh. Yeah. See #18.

20. “You look at the big picture.”

Definitely. Sometimes it’s frustrating when I can so very clearly see the big picture, and I’m trying to get others to see it with me, or at least recognize that I can see the big picture perfectly, and I don’t need them to explain things to me like I’m 5 years old.  However, it’s not always easy for me to articulate this, which often ends in us being frustrated with one another.

21. “You’ve been told to ‘come out of your shell.'”

I’ve been given some variation of that advice my entire adult life: Speak up, be more confident, look people in the eye, don’t doubt your abilities. At the end of the day though, I always do what needs to be done, even if it means coming out of my comfort zone. Which happens often.

22. “You’re a writer.”

Meh. I’m an avid reader who sometimes enjoys writing. Wouldn’t call myself a full-on writer, at least not yet. And yes I see the contradiction here.

23. “You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.”

This is the story of my life. I am constantly shifting focus as my interest centers on different things at different times. Sometimes I’m all about going out, having fun, hanging with friends, going to the movies, etc.  Then there are long periods when all I do is come home from work, feed/walk Barney, play with him for a bit, then work for 6-8 hours on freelance projects, including weekends, only coming up for air if a friend sends me a text like “hey, wanna see a movie?”  A big part of why this blog isn’t updated regularly is because I lose interest every couple months, and come back to it when I feel like it. Every time I come back to it, I hate the design, and have to I redesign it completely. Here’s hoping I can make it stick this time around!

Fellow introverts: does any of this ring true for you? Or if you’re not an introvert, do you have someone you’re close to who exhibits a lot of these traits?

men

The Men of My Dreams: Special VDay Tribute

Most of the time, the people in my dreams are completely made up concoctions I’ve never seen in real life, fantastic creations of my subconscious most likely influenced by whatever I was watching or reading before I fell asleep. So whenever I’ve awakened from a dream in which a real person has made an appearance, that dream stays with me for quite a long time.

In honor of Valentine’s Day (which yes I know has passed but shut up this is MY blog) I thought it would be fun to recount the more “romantic” dreams in which my celebrity crushes have appeared.  Enjoy!

cool

No words.

Dream #1 – “Prison Break-In” (feat. LL Cool J)
In this dream, LL is in jail in a somewhat tropical locale (crime he committed? no idea). There’s a beach nearby, like right outside the jail. Like, the inmates can hear the ocean through their cell windows. And, of course I’m his girlfriend in this scenario. So I go to the jail to visit him for the first time, and the strange thing is none of the cells have bars or doors of any kind. They’re completely just… wide open. Despite this, none of the inmates have the ability to enter or exit their cells freely. I don’t really know what kind of magical trickery was in place here, but I know that LL is sitting in a chair in the middle of the cell and he can’t get out. A straight-backed wooden chair in the middle of the room, and he’s wearing handcuffs behind his back.  That is the only thing in the cell.  No bed, no toilet. Just the chair. Oh, and there’s a small window with bars.  I guess the “no-bar” magic doesn’t work for windows. So I stroll right into his cell and sit on his lap, and we start “saying hello” for 45 minutes nonstop. I think “saying hello” is the nicest way to put it.  After that, everything gets fuzzy… I can’t remember anything else. But I’m pretty sure if anything even REMOTELY similar this were to happen in reality, with LL Cool J, I’d have the same reaction.  I probably wouldn’t remember my own name for a week.

andre

My Baby Daddy

Dream #2 – “Baby Daddy” (feat. Andre 3000)
I’m back in my very first apartment, in Maryland, circa 2002. (That was a really nice-sized apartment by the way.) In this dream I have a child, I think a little girl, fathered by Andre 3000. Side note: Did I not mention I have a crush on him? So anyway, Andre comes to visit me and the baby. I guess in this dream we’re not an official couple any more, because he’s not living with me and the baby, but he’s still doing his part to be a daddy. And we still get along, like there’s no hostility between us, which I am rather proud of because in real life let me tell you, it would NOT go down like that. But I digress. So Andre is playing with the baby and being all cute and daddy-ish, and I’m just standing next to him over the crib where the baby is. Then Andre puts her back into the crib and says something about how much he loves her and how great of a mother I am. I believe at this point in my dream-mind, I think “oh here we go, he’s trying to butter me up” or something to that effect. Next thing you know, he’s kissing me, and not to be gross, but his tongue is like sandpaper. I remember so vividly the rough feeling and how weird I thought it was. But for some odd reason I didn’t break it off, I just let it keep going. And of course, things get fuzzy after that… seeing a pattern here? 😉

dre2

Two-Time Offender…

Dream #3 – “Kickin’ Knowledge” (feat. Andre 3000…again)
Author’s note: This is, by far, my favorite dream of the three—and uh, please note there is ZERO fooling around in this one!

So in this dream, I’m invited to an evening gathering at the home of one of my “subconscious” friends—definitely no one I know in real life. It takes place in a secluded, enormous, log cabin/mansion hybrid in a clearing in the woods. Picture a 7,000 square-foot estate but with the look & feel of a log cabin. Absolutely gorgeous… from the outside. Because in this dream that’s all I see of the house. I spend the entire time outside, laying on these really comfortable blue lounge chairs, looking up at the stars, and having absolutely the most interesting, thought-provoking, and spiritually intense conversation of my life, with Andre 3000. Everyone’s coming and going to and from the party, I can hear laughter and fun being had inside the house, but I spend hours outside talking to Andre talk about life, love, God, the universe, constellations, space & exploring other galaxies, and any other topic that comes up. What I love about this conversation is how he speaks his facts and opinions in the most beautifully non-judgmental, loving way I’ve ever heard anyone speak about anything. I woke up from this dream feeling so peaceful and warm inside. It almost made me sad that hadn’t really happened, because to have a friend I can talk to like that is one of the things I’ve been missing for YEARS, probably since college (when I had lots of friends I could talk to like that). Le sigh…

Honorable mention goes to Morris Chestnut, who also made an appearance in my dream—more recently than the others. In this dream he was trying to find my good friend Toya who for some reason was living in NYC, so that he could propose to her. He’d done something to piss her off though, so she was sort of in hiding, and I was helping him track her down because as the good friend, I had a better idea of where to look. Eventually we do find her, he apologizes and then proposes, and of course she says yes. I mean who wouldn’t?!

What celebs have popped up in your dreams? Do tell. I want details!