Oh… you shouldn’t have.

Disclaimer/Warning: This post is, sadly, about men I barely know, who think it’s cool to text me unsolicited pictures of their junk. But let me be clear: by no means should you consider this to be “the norm” for my blog.  As I’ve said numerous times before, I talk about what ever random thing comes to mind. So as for this topic… well, let’s just say, lately I’ve had more experience with it than I’d like to admit. I’m so pissed to have to even write this. So let’s get right to it.

Top 5 reasons NOT to text me naughty pictures:

  1. You’re a stranger, and so is “it.” Until you’ve actually been intimate (or at least made out heavily) with me, you really shouldn’t assume you’re on “that” level. Women are very connected to our emotions, and not as much to our physical urges. We do have urges of course, but it’s hard to elicit one just with a mere photograph. For me, there has to be some kind of emotional connection and familiarity to the sender, or to the object itself.
  2. I love ’em, but they’re not much to look at. I don’t know if you realize this, but that thing you’re sporting between your legs? Not cute. Now–don’t get me wrong–I have NOTHING against their “maneuvering capabilities,” so to speak. I’m just not into staring at them for long periods of time.
  3. What if I’m WITH someone?! So, imagine I’m showing off a cool new iPad app to say, my mother. Or my 10-year-old nephew or 7-year-old niece. Then suddenly, a notification pops up at the top of my screen with a little “preview” of the photo you’ve attached. Can you imagine the reaction? Do you think I’ll ever want to talk to you after that? (Oh, and before you tell me to alter my preferred message display settings to remove the message preview?  Kindly sit down and shut up, because no human being should force ME to change MY settings to accommodate THEIR ratchetness!)
  4. Do you really wanna trust me with that? I guarantee you, if you send me a picture of your junk and we haven’t established a basic level of trust and intimacy, at least 2 of my friends will see it. Send me that picture, and you’re exposing yourself to more than just yours truly.
  5. FYI: This won’t get you laid. I don’t even think I need to elaborate on this one. All I’ll say is that for me, an image like that will probably achieve the opposite effect you’re hoping for.

You know what? If that list doesn’t convince you, I think you need some help. And you’re most likely going to keep doing it. But please, do me a favor. Just don’t do it to ME.

Please, and thank you.

-Kim

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