I’ve been single for over a year and a half. Up until maybe a month ago, I hadn’t really noticed. Mostly I think it’s because I’m incessantly busy with work, and freelance work, and taking care of my dog/child Barney.
But the other reason, which I don’t mention often, is this:
I don’t have my “light” on. To borrow from a Sex and the City episode, your “light” is the indicator that you’re out there and looking to meet someone. It’s what potential dates see when you’re out having a good time with friends, or at the bookstore alone, or even grocery shopping. It’s what makes a person want to approach you in the first place.
For me, that light hasn’t shone since I was in my 20’s. Even then, it was less a light than it was a… I don’t know… intermittent windshield wiper with dull blades. Most of the time I ran through life letting crap hit my windshield and cloud my vision. When it got really bad, to the point that I couldn’t see, I’d take one furious swipe at the blockage. Whatever streaks were left in my field of vision, I was forced to pay more attention to. Those streaks were annoying as hell, but eventually I got used to them being there. Over time, I’d start to tell myself “You know, it’s really not that bad, I think I can live with this.”
That is complete and TOTAL b.s., by the way. I learned each and every time, that I cannot and WILL NOT deal with those annoyances anymore.
So Kim, how do you meet people?
Funny you should ask that. Short answer: I don’t. If you’re not a co-worker, a sorority sister, or my dog, then you don’t know I exist. I hardly go out anymore (it’s a complete joke), and when I do, my light is so far from on that it’s basically a big dark spot that covers me from anyone’s vision, even the people I came with.
Now you’re probably thinking, Awww, you poor thing. You’re obviously lonely and really want to meet someone. On the contrary, the amount of effort (and money) it takes to primp and get all gussied up for one night on the town, is sorely disproportionate to the return on my investment. You’d have to pretty much pay ME to go out these days. I’m far from sad about it.
But waaaaay down, deep in the dark recesses of my soul (and believe me, it gets plenty dark in there), I’m sure I still want the things all women want. It’s just not urgent. I don’t feel rushed. So when and if it ever happens, great, but in the meantime, I’ll be happy to entertain myself with sarcasm, cynicism, and a little humor.