One Human’s Trash…

There is something wrong with my dog.  Or maybe all dogs.  I don’t know.  What I DO know is there is no logical reason any living breathing mammal should want to devour a sock, a piece of trash, a clump of what can only be described as pubic hair, a dead cockroach, or any other equally disgusting find.

However, my wonderfully adorable pup, Barney Stinson, has decided it’s his mission in life — especially during his walks with me — to violently lunge at ANYTHING in his path and turn it into a meal.

It all started innocently enough, when he was about 3 or 4 months old.  It was annoying, but every time we went for a walk he’d try to eat the fallen leaves from the magnolia tree outside my door.  Since I don’t know which plants are poisonous or non-poisonous to dogs, I don’t let him eat any greenery.  Eventually he realized I’d never let him successfully eat one, and he stopped trying (after about 150 attempts).

Then, he moved on to twigs and sticks.  Any twig or stick he could find, he’d grab it and try to take off at full speed — still attached to the leash, so he never got very far.  I’d grab it just as he’d be jerking his head back trying to get it further down his throat.

Now, I don’t know what’s going on.  This fool just gets into everything.  We’ll be enjoying a pleasant stroll and next thing you know, he’s attempting to swallow some blackish grayish pubic-looking hairs he finds on the side of the path.  Or suddenly, I’ll see him gnawing on something to find he’s got someone’s used pill wrapper (you know, the silver part you push the pill through) in his mouth. And at least once a week he’s trying to eat a dead cockroach. (Side note: If you know Florida, you know cockroaches, that’s all I’m gonna say.)

This morning while getting dressed, I noticed a small piece of fabric hanging out of his mouth.  When I rushed over to grab it, he began playing tug-of-war with whatever it was.  A few seconds later an entire sock came out, covered in goo.  Sigh…

I would say part of the problem with the stuff we find outside is the neighborhood I live in, because we have found some really disgusting things lying on the ground.  The people in my community aren’t what you’d call the cream of the crop, I can say that without question.  Personally, the random clumps of hair are the most disgusting.  Of course Barney seems to find that the most delicious.


The Source of My Joy (This Week)

This past Sunday night around 8pm, as I was frantically scrambling to find some Benadryl for Barney’s itchy neutering incision, through horrible planning and non-forward-thinking, I ended up at Walgreens.*

On a whim, after picking up the Benadryl I decided to shimmy up the food & drinks aisle, looking for a delicious snack.  You see, at my previous stop I’d considered buying ice cream in addition to the Benadryl, but thought to myself, forget ice cream. I didn’t come here for that. When I got to Walgreens and found they had the kind of medicine Barney needed, I was in such high spirits that I wanted to reward myself with something yummy.  By this time the ice cream notion was completely gone, and now I was thinking about fruit.  At a drugstore. Of course, they did not have fruit.

But suddenly, as if summoned by some evil dessert-wielding spirit, my head slowly turned to the left.  Instantly, fruit was the furthest thing from my mind when I saw this lovely piece of merchandise smiling at me through the icy glass:

Fully controlled by the dessert demon now, I opened the freezer and purchased this box of icy creamy deliciousness, along with Barney’s Benadryl.

I’m proud to say I did not come right home and rip the box open.  Oh no.  I waited until the NEXT DAY to come home after work, eat dinner, and watch a little TV.  Then and only then, did I allow myself a special treat.  Oh, and did it taste like pure heaven?  I believe it did.  Did my heart sing?  I’m still humming the tune.  All I can say is if you haven’t tried these before, please.  Do yourself (and me) a favor.  Buy some now.  Enjoy them.  Tell them I sent you.

Visit the sandwiches at their home

*Footnote & Sidebar: There’s nothing wrong with Walgreens, but what IS wrong is Walgreens was the second place I went to in search of the medication.  Let me say that again.  A DRUGSTORE was the SECOND place I went to in search of DRUGS.  I instead went to a grocery store, being lazy and not wanting to drive the extra half mile down the road.  At the grocery store they did not have the kind I wanted, but again being lazy I bought the closest thing.  I then drove home, pulled up to the garage and, fueled by a wee bit of mommy-guilt, Googled “children’s liquid benadryl for dogs” on my phone, and suffice it to say I did not like the results I found.  I put the car into reverse and then drove to Walgreens, which is what I should have done from the beginning.