swim

Plus Size Swimwear: A Sad State of Affairs

Apparently the fashion industry has it in for us healthy & happy girls when it comes to swimwear.  Now, I do realize there are some body types that truly require a swim dress that comes almost to your knees.  But if you’re like me (i.e. top-heavy), and basically just need something that will make the girls look pretty, you shouldn’t have to suffer through another circa 1986 floral print/abstract print/black+insert-color-here swimsuit.

I mean, seriously.  Have you SEEN the options out there today?

Horrible.  Just horrible.  What did we do to deserve this?  Can we get some cute prints?  Can we get more color options?  Can we get something that dips down just a weeeeee bit more in the front?  Can we nix the hideous “shorts” that look like granny’s bloomers? Do we not deserve to look as hawt as possible in our swimwear?  Must we be forced to look like beached whales??!?!

Oh, please, fashion industry.  Call me.  I will gladly design an entire line of lovely prints & patterns that would look fabulous on us.  Heck, at this rate I’d even do it for free.

trash

One Human’s Trash…

There is something wrong with my dog.  Or maybe all dogs.  I don’t know.  What I DO know is there is no logical reason any living breathing mammal should want to devour a sock, a piece of trash, a clump of what can only be described as pubic hair, a dead cockroach, or any other equally disgusting find.

However, my wonderfully adorable pup, Barney Stinson, has decided it’s his mission in life — especially during his walks with me — to violently lunge at ANYTHING in his path and turn it into a meal.

It all started innocently enough, when he was about 3 or 4 months old.  It was annoying, but every time we went for a walk he’d try to eat the fallen leaves from the magnolia tree outside my door.  Since I don’t know which plants are poisonous or non-poisonous to dogs, I don’t let him eat any greenery.  Eventually he realized I’d never let him successfully eat one, and he stopped trying (after about 150 attempts).

Then, he moved on to twigs and sticks.  Any twig or stick he could find, he’d grab it and try to take off at full speed — still attached to the leash, so he never got very far.  I’d grab it just as he’d be jerking his head back trying to get it further down his throat.

Now, I don’t know what’s going on.  This fool just gets into everything.  We’ll be enjoying a pleasant stroll and next thing you know, he’s attempting to swallow some blackish grayish pubic-looking hairs he finds on the side of the path.  Or suddenly, I’ll see him gnawing on something to find he’s got someone’s used pill wrapper (you know, the silver part you push the pill through) in his mouth. And at least once a week he’s trying to eat a dead cockroach. (Side note: If you know Florida, you know cockroaches, that’s all I’m gonna say.)

This morning while getting dressed, I noticed a small piece of fabric hanging out of his mouth.  When I rushed over to grab it, he began playing tug-of-war with whatever it was.  A few seconds later an entire sock came out, covered in goo.  Sigh…

I would say part of the problem with the stuff we find outside is the neighborhood I live in, because we have found some really disgusting things lying on the ground.  The people in my community aren’t what you’d call the cream of the crop, I can say that without question.  Personally, the random clumps of hair are the most disgusting.  Of course Barney seems to find that the most delicious.